I was looking at you
by Demonic Angel Clone
Summary: When you lose someone so precious, who do you keep? Usually, he's not one to share, but at this point, he's south of desperate and completely at her mercy. Ben/Adrian/Dante/Omar, major spoilers for Season 4.
1. Chapter 1

_**Baby, when you were looking at them, I was looking at you…**_

* * *

><p>"I just…I want what they have, Ben." Adrian sighs, head bowed with a crack in her voice. He's never seen her so broken. "Why couldn't we have what they have? I just wanted <em>us<em> to have that. I can't go back to school and face those people and see Ricky and Amy happy together when I can't _stand_ the sight of them together. And then I can see you pulling away, getting closer with Amy and I just…" She sighs again, hair devoid of curls framing her face.

Ben stiffens at this. Had he really made his wife feel as if she weren't enough, that he wanted Amy more?

_Yes_.

He hates himself for it, and hates himself for not being strong enough, for being a coward.

"We have to be honest with each other," Adrian nods to herself, as if she's bracing herself for an inevitable destruction in the midst of their home and she's not strong enough to stop it.

And ironically enough, Adrian's the strongest person he knows, and if she can't bare this, how the hell can he?

He takes her face in his large hands, turns her head so that her eyes lock with his. "When you're staring at Amy and Ricky, do you know what I'm staring at?"

She shakes her head, innocent of the sentiment and if she wasn't so broken, he'd tell her how _cute_ she was with a clip in her hair, her puffy eyes and her pouty lips.

"I'm staring at _you_, Adrian."

Her eyes suddenly become glassy and glisten with the promise of tears. "Do you love me, Benny?" She whispers her nick name for him and he strokes her cheek with the pad of his thumb. When he doesn't answer, she asks, "Did you ever love me, Ben? Because if you don't, then we should just end this."

He averts his eyes away from hers because he's sure she's not even looking at him now, but rather _through_ him and he's too weak to face this woman, his wife, who he's failed. He's failed her and he was too childish and he wants her and is willing to throw this all away. Throw _her_ away.

He's pathetic.

"_Dime, por favor mí amor_," She murmurs amorously as she removes his hands from her face, rubbing his knuckles with her thumbs. "You want a divorce, don't you?"

He locks his eyes back with hers and she nods wordlessly. She kisses both of his hands and stands, running her hands through her mussed hair, "I guess I'll, um, call a mediator or maybe even my dad, and, um…" She lets out a breath between her lips. "We can go over what to do with this place, I don't really want anything."

He sits there tonelessly on their couch, staring at her.

"We can give stuff in the nursery to kids who need it at the shelter and," His heart breaks when a tear slips from her eye. "And we could just pretend this never happened." She begins to twist off the gorgeous sapphire lying on her left finger, but he quickly stands and stops her before she can take it off.

"I don't want to forget what happened; we were married and happy and you had my daughter. I don't want to forget that."

"Forget that," She says. "Promise me that, for now, you'll forget that, and me."

He doesn't want to. He wants to forget the pain, forget the abruptness of the situation, but not _her_.

She removes the ring from her finger, turning over his palm and setting it within, closing his fingers over it.

"Goodbye Mr. Boykewich," Adrian murmurs.

"Goodbye Mrs. Boykewich," Ben says back quietly to her retreating figure as soon as she's out of earshot.

* * *

><p>He wants to go home in his own bedroom, curl up in his childhood bed, and just lie there, that's what he really wants to do. He doesn't want to keep bypassing his daughter's room every time before leaving the house and even though he's been sleeping on the couch, he can still see Adrian every day, see her seemingly grower stronger, moving on.<p>

He hates it because he can't seem to do the same.

And for that reason, Ben doesn't exactly know how he ended up here.

At fifteen, he went to bed, dreaming of one day being Grace Bowman's boyfriend.

At sixteen, he awoke to a promise of a future that could've been with Amy Juergens.

And now, at seventeen, here he is in a bar, eyes hooded between awareness and sleep, nursing a glass in his hand. He hasn't drunken from it, just stared at it in thought about his crumbling life. He's married, he's childless, and everything is a sea of distant loneliness at his house that's not a home. His wife, Adrian Lee Boykewich, is still in their condo and because of that reason, he can't say he's too anxious to go back. He doesn't want to see her heartbroken eyes or the ring off her finger and he's too ashamed of himself to face any of it.

Losing a daughter changes everything.

His arms are slumped against the counter in exhaustion and he's glad that this bar doesn't close soon because he wasn't planning on leaving soon. If at all if possible.

He contemplates asking the owner if they can keep the light on for him for cash when he feels a presence settle down next to him. If he was a rude person, like Ricky for example, he would've immediately told them to get lost. But seeing as he isn't that unhinged from himself, he simply ignores them until they give a disapproving hum in his direction. He cranes his head and his eyes widen. "Nora?"

The thirty-something year old woman smirks. "Hello Ben. What's up?"

"My daughter died two months ago," Ben deadpans with a blink. "You?"

If he was hoping to cause her pause with his abrupt statement, it doesn't work because all the woman does is nod solemnly. "How you holdin' up?"

"As well as can be expected when your child dies," Ben snaps. "Not that you know anything about that."

"It's true, I don't," The woman nods, brushing her brown hair behind her ear. "How's my son's ex?"

A pit of jealously smolders within Ben. "You mean, my _wife_?"

Nora grins in acknowledgement. "Yeah, Adrian. How's she?"

"At home, I guess," Ben grouses, leant over the bar. He doesn't want to think about his eighteen year old wife, the mother of his child. His stillborn child. "On a…on a date."

At this, the older woman guffaws, "Your wife's on a _date_?"

Ben frowns, finger tracing the tip of his amber filled glass. He knows it's a ridiculous notion, him being jealous, but he is. And he can't help it, wants to take her advice and forget her, just forget everything. "Yeah, she's with some guy…Dustin or-"

"Dante." She answers easily with a smile. Ben's jaw drops.

"You _know_?"

Nora shrugs carelessly with a smile, "He lives in the dorm at the university, the one Ricky wants to go to next year. We took a tour and that blonde girl, the one who's in your grade…" She trails off uncertainly.

"Grace," Ben answers for her.

"Yeah! That's the one. She's going out with some guy named Daniel and she introduced Adrian to Dante."

Ben blinks, off-put by the information the older woman has said as she orders a glass of water. His mind is in a whirl about a few things, like, "Wait, Grace is going out with Grant."

Nora hums questioningly. "Really? I'm pretty sure she said the guy she was with was Daniel…" Her eyebrow furrows momentarily.

"And you saw this guy ask Adrian out? How did you-"

"I went with Ricky on his tour," Nora smiles. She almost squeals, "My _son_. Going to _college_…" The bartender sits a glass of water in front of her which she nods her head in thanks at. "It's one of the only things in my life right now that isn't so shitty." Her eyes avert to the glass in-between Ben's hands, "You know, you shouldn't be drinking kid. Alcohol can really mess a person up."

Ignoring her comment, Ben changes the subject. "What happened with you? Why are you at a bar, I mean." Ben asks, hoping he isn't overstepping any boundaries.

"Ah, the girlfriend wants us to move in together, a commitment." Nora reveals with a surly pout. "The last time I did that, things didn't end so well." Ben has heard the stories from Ricky, about abuse and about how he wasn't wanted and he knows that if things were different, his daughter would've lived a life opposite to that. Nora turns to Ben, "Since you're divorcing her, you're going to move out, right?"

Ben nods, "And when I get out, I'm going to stay out." Stay away from Adrian, stay out of her life, like she wants. Ben shrugs, "I doubt I'll even live with anyone again."

"Yeah," Nora nods in agreement. "Being alone is _so_ much easier. Things are always going to be changing, and that's life, you know. _Change_. Things change, people change, so how do you promise to stay with someone for an eternity?"

They're both silent for a moment.

"You get them pregnant?"

"_Ben_." Nora scolds.

"Sorry," He apologizes. "It's the eternity thing that sets me off. I just can't stand to think about eternity and things going _on_ and _on_ and _on_." He grouses at every emphasis. He can't stand the thought of this pain he feels and the proverbial cage he's locked in and _wanting_ Adrian and _not_ wanting Adrian and all he wants now is the cool stillness of being numb. He looks at his glass, still filled with whiskey. "Then again," He eyes the drink that so looks like the color of Adrian's eyes, of his daughter's. "Maybe that makes death comforting, that maybe things don't go on and on and on."

A waiter with white cufflinks walks over with a red bottle of wine, "The Montrachet that you ordered?"

Nora looks to Ben, who shrugs, and the looks back at the waiter who's still presenting them with the beverage, "I don't think we ordered any wine, thanks."

"But…if fate has intervened, I'll take it." Ben says.

With an admonishing look, Nora faces him, "Have you listened to a word I've said?"

"Yes. Have you been listening to a word I've said?" Ben snaps back.

The waiter, not wanting to interfere with the conversation, sits the wine down in front of them, assuming it's theirs.

"You are not going to touch that, Ben Boykewich," Nora Underwood says sternly. "And neither am I."

Ben looks at her, and then back at the bottle.

"This isn't the answer, Ben." The older woman stresses.

"It goes well with not having the answer." Ben replies, sipping his drink, which is scalding down his throat but the dizzy numbness he feels is more than welcome.

"I'm an alcoholic." Nora says.

Ben shakes his head, "I'm not."

"And you don't wanna be. It's _Hell_, Ben. Being addicted to anything is Hell."

He takes another sip, longer this time. "Being married is, too."

She frowns, and then takes a long look at the bottle in front of her before downing her glass of water in one shot. "That's a good bottle of wine." She says, setting her empty glass on the table. Another waiter approaches, noticing Nora's empty glass.

"May I pour that for you?" He asks with a smile, blond hair spiked attractively. Nora smiles back.

"Just a little," She gestures with her fingers, leaving a small space in-between. "I'm an alcoholic."

The waiter pauses for a moment, and then laughs, "Funny," He says, as he opens the bottle and pours it into Nora's glass before walking away. Both Nora and Ben exchange looks at the wine filled glass in-between them.

"You're not _really_ going to drink that, are you?" Ben asks skeptically.

Nora shrugs, "If it teaches you a lesson, yeah." Picking up the glass, she tips it back expertly, throat moving with every ounce she swallows. Ben tries to stop her when the original waiter rushes over in a panic.

"I am so sorry, but that's not your wine, I had the tables mixed up."

Nora narrows her steely eyes, "Well, it's ours now, and we're not paying for it. Your mistake."

Ben, not knowing what to do and trying to diffuse the situation, says, "Just take it away, I'll pay for it."

"Over my dead body," Nora growls.

"It's a $300 bottle of wine," The waiter pleads, trying to convince her otherwise, but Nora just nods.

"Why, yes it is," She grins wildly, taking another languorous swig. Ben reaches over the grab the bottle, but Nora's hand grabs his wrist and her nails bite into it, _hard_.

"Nora…" Ben says pleadingly.

Nora sighs, smacking her lips at the earthy taste of the alcoholic beverage and notices the waiter still standing there. "You can leave, now."

"But-"

"_Now_," Nora snarls, while pouring herself another glass. She downs this one easier and quicker than the first. "How many of these do I have to drink before you get it?" She muses.

"You don't get it," Ben pleads with wide eyes.

"Neither do you, kid." Nora mutters, pouring yet another glass for herself. She even pours some into Ben's whiskey glass to top it off and Ben stares at it. Swooping her glass up once more, she chugs it down in one fluid movement, laughing obnoxiously afterwards. "You think I don't get what it's like to have messed up things happen?" She grabs Ben's glass and downs it quickly as well before Ben could stop her. Roaring with laughter, she sets the empty glass down. "Bob, Bobby, my ex…he used to _huuurt_ me. He used to hurt my _baaaaby_." She slurs. "He was a bastard and, and I hope…I hope he dies in a fiery pit _somewheeeere_." She hiccups. "You're…you had a baby and she died and that's all types of fucked up but at least you still have Adrian…" Her eyes become glassy and faded. "At least she cares about you and, and she's still there. That's love."

She goes to pour another glass and the liquid sloppily goes over the glass, dripping onto the table. Ben feels as if he's watching a natural disaster right in front of him.

"I'm an idiot, Ben; we're idiots. Here we are, sitting in a damn bar when we having beautiful women that care for us _sooooo_ much sitting at home, wondering where the Hell we are."

"Adrian's not sitting around waiting for me," Ben says.

"Don't be an _ass_, virgin boy," Nora points to him outlandishly. "If she didn't still care about you, she wouldn't be in that condo with Dustin."

"Dante."

"Whatever. Point is, she still loves you, and if you'd take a second to get over your own damn self-pity and _tell_ her, she'd be on you like white on rice." She becomes quiet after that, slightly swaying in her seat. "Sometimes, you don't know what you have until it's gone and not looking back and then…then that's when you _really_ messed up." Nora's brown hair, much like Amy's, is following the movement of her body, swaying from side to side. She takes one last swig, and closes her eyes, chin landing on the table. "Take me home, virgin boy," Nora whispers.

Ben sighs, thinking the worst is over. He takes out his wallet and lays down a few bills on the table, about two paychecks worth. Then, he heads over to Nora's side and lays her arm around his neck, steadying her waist with his free arm in a firm hold. Her head lulls on his shoulder and he counts to three before standing up, lifting her with him.

They stumble out of the bar, Nora clinging to Ben and Ben attempting to find a balance until he situates her in his passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt and he gets behind the wheel. Nora is fast asleep against the passenger window pane and Ben puts in the key in the ignition, bringing the car to life.

"See what I mean, Ben…" Nora mumbles. "Go home, tell Adrian you love her…don't drink."

Ben nods, yes, that's exactly what he plans to do.

He backs out of the parking space and into the street-

-and the screeching of tires is overshadowed by the clashing of bending and torn apart metal.

* * *

><p>Mega, mega spoilers in this one; AU; ect. As sad as I am for the baby, I'm so geared for season four. This story will somewhat follow certain things in canon, but this is an alternate universe. It also won't be exactly chronological; you'll have to keep reading for the pieces to come together. So feedback, please and thank you for reading.<p>

DAC


	2. Chapter 2

_**Baby, when you were looking at them, I was looking at you…**_

* * *

><p>She spent her days crying, she spent her evenings hoping, and she spent her nights dreaming.<p>

Dreaming of a daughter who'd never open her eyes, of two young and foolish parents who'd never take their little girl home. Of a time where she wasn't pregnant, and she wasn't married.

She's a horrible, horrible person.

Which is why she doesn't want to see anyone, and she doesn't want anyone to see her. Except Ben, that is, and maybe the parents, but other than that? Just, _no_. And if she wants to stay curled up in a ball of self-pity and resentment and _sulk_, that's her own damn business. And maybe Ben's, too. She's smart; she could always get a _Good Enough Diploma_ and coast and not even worry about stepping back in high school again. Ashley Juergens did it, and she's just a sophomore, so why can't she?

She's a senior, she could just homeschool or drop out, or GED, whatever. It's her life, and she's eighteen. She can do whatever the Hell pleases her. Including staying at home and not fixing her hair and not doing her makeup and eating whatever the fuck she wishes. And if she gains a little weight, or looks a little unsightly, it's no one's business.

Not even Ben's.

Nothing matters.

"Stop treating me like I'm some porcelain doll you could break with a few words! I can take it! Just do what you have to do, and I'll do the same! It's not a difficult concept!" Adrian bellows, even standing slightly on tiptoe to make her point known because her husband? He's just not getting it.

He's been quiet and not imposing or anything so far, and it's easy for her to bulldoze and get her way in regards to her reclusiveness thus far. Which is why she is shocked when he pulls her down into a chair and straddles her so she can't get up. Ben holds her unwashed face in his hands and her hooded eyes are barely focused on him.

"We're going to Dr. Fields office today." Ben says calmly, and of course, Adrian's mouth is open to contest it, but he puts his hand over it. "You told me that I have to do what I have to do, and this is something I have to do. And I have to do it with you because you're the only person who understands. The only person I really want to do this with. Do this, for me?"

And damn him for saying things that make her actually _feel_ something again, versus the numbness she's been trying to deal with. Her eyes widen with a new light and she nods before he takes his hand away from her mouth. "I don't wanna…get dressed and stuff, though."

"Don't worry about it," He smiles slightly, glad that she's not really resisting him this time around and he gets up.

He sits her in front of him on the foot of their bed and takes out a bottle of light pink nail polish, her favorite shade. She watches him tonelessly lay her hand spread out on her upper leg and he experimentally paints a line down her index finger nail. Ben paints another one next to that, nice and smoothly, and another until the nail is evenly covered with polish. He follows the same pattern for the next few nails until one hand is completely done and he balances her palm on his knuckles up to level with his mouth to blow them dry. Adrian looks at the nails and yeah, they look pretty good. Better than they have in weeks at least. He sets her hand on her knee again and focuses on her other hand with the same painstaking precision as the first. Once its blown and dried, he starts tugging off the shoulder of her robe.

"What are you doing?" Adrian drones with a frown.

Ben blinks, giving her a kiss on her temple. "I love you, but you stink."

Adrian's frown deepens. "So I'm fat and I smell?"

"No, you're just beautiful and smell," Ben says with a small smile. Adrian is unimpressed with his attempt of being cute, even though she can internally admit that he is, and just let's him guide her to the bathroom, run her water, and take off her clothes.

She's not even self-conscious at this point; he's seen her at her worst, which is pretty much now, and he's definitely seen her naked. It's just that she has thin but still there stretch marks and she hasn't lost her baby weight and with her increased eating, it's safe to say that she has a little belly on her now. Adrian frowns at the sight of it when she looks down while Ben takes off his clothes and just goes into the shower when his hand guides her on the low of her back. She has to admit, the spray of lukewarm water feels great on her back and he tells her to close her eyes as he shampoos and conditions her hair, his fingers massaging her scalp.

"This feels good," Adrian mumbles against Ben's torso.

His chuckle is warm in her ear, "Really?"

"Mmhmm," She hums with content as he washes the suds away, leaving curls in their wake. She wraps her arms around his waist, propping herself up against him as he scrubs her back with a loofah.

After he's done with that, Ben turns them around so that Adrian's back is to the wall and begins washing her front, and the positioning is intimate to say the least, but not sexual. The last thing either of them is thinking about is sex but Adrian does like the feeling of him being close to her, and it's frustrating because that same familiarity of his gentle movements and the fluidity of his body is what got her in this situation.

"Do you think it'll make me feel better, the counseling?" She murmurs as Ben washes away soap from her left shoulder.

"I hope so," He murmurs back over the spray of water. He looks into her eyes meaningfully, "I miss you, Adrian."

Her eyes glitter as they look back into his earnest ones.

"I miss _us_."

"I miss us, too, Benny." And it's true because she does. So she lets him finish washing her and she finds herself wanting to make an effort because she already lost her daughter and she doesn't want to lose her husband too. She doesn't think about it when their lips touch and she doesn't fight it because she wants to feel closer to him again.

They leave the shower practically attached at the hip and Adrian loses her breath when Ben backs away, resting his forehead on hers. "We should get dressed," He suggests and it takes Adrian a minute to feel the coolness of water drying on her skin.

"We could just…stay here." Adrian adds, looking up at him.

He kisses her temple and says that he thinks it's best if they go to counseling, if they go as a family together. The appointment was set, and it's been two weeks, so they should just go. Adrian sighs and lets him pick out her outfit, a simple white blouse and jeans. He slips on her bra through her arms and latches the back. Fixes her shirt with her assistance and slides the denim up her legs. Her hair is still wet, so he gets the blow dryer from their bathroom and turns the setting to high, quickly directing it to her hair that dries after a few minutes. Ben brushes her hair through until it's smooth and lengthy down her back and places a small clip in her hair to hold up one side. She typically doesn't wear her hair straight, but Ben doesn't know how to work her curling iron so it'll have to do.

He bows out his hand before they head out the door and she slips her hand through, fingers interlacing fingers.

It's a quiet drive over to Dr. Fields office, but the hope of feeling better afterward has Adrian and Ben smiling, her thumb caressing his knuckles.

When they get there, her parents are already waiting outside and Cindy embraces her daughter, Rueben giving Ben a pat on the back.

They all walk in together, as a family, into the doctor's office.

* * *

><p>They go home and Adrian feels even worse than when they went in. Because thanks to Dr. Fields, all she can think about is how everyone she loves, leaves.<p>

She goes into the nursery later that night, when she thinks Ben is asleep, and goes over to the beautiful lily white bassinet. In her mind's eye, she can see Mercy, peaceful in her slumber as she breathes steadily in her sleep. Instead of pale cheeks, they're rosy and she's on her back with her hands curled up in a ball by her face. She's wearing baby pink pjs with cute baby footsies and Adrian spins the mobile above with her finger, making the delicate sounds of Fur Elise resonate around the room.

Her eyes are already wet with tears as she feels arms wrap around her waist, "Come to bed, baby." She shakes her head fervently and she feels a kiss to her temple. "Adrian, please."

"No," She sobs. "She should've been here, Benny. With us," Her voice cracks, and Ben nods above her.

"I know, I know," Ben says warily. He doesn't want to think about how he wanted the situation to just go away, how he didn't want to be a husband, or a father, but if he could, he'd take back every word and every traitorous thought. He would've just accepted that everything happens for a reason, just to hold his living little girl in his hands. She was so small, she could fit in one of his hands like a porcelain doll. She was beautiful, like her mother.

Ben unconsciously holds Adrian in his embrace tighter, inhales her into his memory. He wants the woman he married back, the one he fell in love with, and he doesn't know what to say or what to do to get her back.

He hopes he figures it out soon, though.

* * *

><p>If Ben were conscious, he would probably laugh at the irony. Or cry, whichever came first.<p>

As he isn't, his father Leo remains by his bedside and Camille remains next to Leo. A steady _blip_..._blip_..._blip_...echoes throughout the silence and the blonde woman reaches out and puts her hand over Leo's.

"What did I do wrong, Camille?" Leo asks gravely. "What did I do so wrong to fail my son this way?"

She shakes her head, words bubbling within her to retort that statement, but Leo continues, "My son, not even eighteen yet, is going through a divorce with my daughter in-law with who they've recently lost their firstborn child. Why? What did I do for him to deserve this?"

"You did nothing, Leo." Camille says with conviction, "Neither you nor Ben nor even Adrian did anything to deserve this. This is no one's fault, and you know that."

"Then why does this keep happening? Why are bad things continually happening to my son?" Leo says in frustration. "Obviously, this has to be an omen, or somethin'."

Camille shakes her head slowly, and when she looks in Leo's eyes, she's saddened by the hopelessness in his. "Leo, sometimes things have to get worse before they get better."

"Then when are they going to get better?" Leo demands, and before Camille can answer by saying that she doesn't have the answer, there's a knock on the door into the hospital room and she gets up to open it.

Needless to say, she's shocked at the sight of an eighteen year old Latina in a pretty outfit and worried eyes. Camille steps out of the room and closes the door, crossing her arms as she looks the girl up and down. "What are you doing here, Adrian?"

Adrian fidgets, looking back at the door leading into the room before looking back at the older woman. "I came as soon as I heard that Ben was in a car accident."

"And where were you, Adrian? When you heard that he was in a car accident." Camille asks with pursed lips, and Adrian brushes a curl behind her ear.

"I was on a date," Adrian nods. "I was on a date when I got a text from Ricky that said that my husband was in a car accident."

"Ben's divorced you," Camille says curtly.

"Divorcing," Adrian retorts back. "Meaning that he's still my husband. And even if he weren't, I still care about him."

"Enough to go out with someone else?"

Adrian shakes her head, "Don't judge me. Ben knew I was going out with someone else, he even gave his blessing, not that it was needed. And he's still one of my best friends, even if we won't be married anymore." Adrian crosses her arms, "And I know you don't like me, Camille; you've made that very clear. But I still care about Ben, regardless of anything that's happened between us, and I'll always care about Ben, even if he doesn't care about me in that way anymore." Her eyes become shiny and she blinks the stinging in her eyes away.

Camille steps closer to the brunette, looks into her eyes. "You still love him," She says in understanding.

"I never said I didn't," Adrian replies. "But I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything."

The woman nods and adds on to say, "It's not that I don't like you, Adrian. It's just that I didn't like the position Ben was put in, and I didn't like the stress it put Leo through, and I guess it was easier to just blame you. I'm sorry for that."

"You know, Betty told me you quit weeks ago, and yet you're still here with Leo."

"Leo is my friend."

"And Ben is mine," Adrian defends.

After that, Camille sighs and steps away from the door, letting Adrian pass through. She quickly notices Leo by his son's bedside and he gives her a weak smile at her presence, which she returns, before he stands to leave.

The door clicks shut after Leo exits and Adrian goes by Ben's bedside and it's eerie how they were in opposite spots only a few months ago. Except Ben has a few cuts on his face, a bruise. Half of it is swollen and she can't help reaching out and gently touching his cheek. She heard he was at a bar with Nora since Ricky was the one who texted her and Nora barely had a scratch because she was passed out due to alcohol consumption. Ben also had a drink or two, she was sure, since he's started to drink even though she's begged, _pleaded_, him to stop. She doesn't want to keep defending him, and after tonight, she's not sure if she'll be able to anymore. She's never had a habit, so she'll never understand why he started and she'll never understand why he doesn't stop, but she wants to do something, anything, to prevent something worse from happening.

She knows she'll probably fail in the end, but it's the effort that counts, right?

Adrian feels a vibration in her coat pocket and sees the incoming text –_Everything ok? _From Dante.

She texts back a quick _Yeah_, and hits send. So much for a second date. She frowns as she pockets her phone and sits down in the seat Leo was just in. "What'd you do now, Boykewich? Huh? Why can't you just…" Adrian sighs, the frustration gone from her voice, and she says quietly, "Why can't you just be the guy I fell in love with? He wouldn't drink until he passed out, and he wouldn't drink and drive. And he wouldn't let me go on a date with someone who wasn't him." She grabs his hand, lying by his side, "I miss that guy. I miss _you_, Ben. But I can't keep doing this. I don't even know what I'm really doing here, especially since you don't even love me anymore, but I'm still here and…I'm not going anywhere. You were there for me when everyone else was giving up on me and I can't just leave you." Adrian lets go of his hand, presses a kiss from her fingers to his lips, "I'll come pick you up when they're ready to let you out, okay?" She asks, not really expecting an answer from her soundless husband.

She should really stop referring to him as that.

Adrian leaves the room and the hospital and Dante's still parked out front in his Honda. She lets herself in the passenger side and she narrows her eyes at that smug smirk he's wearing from behind the wheel. "So, do you always have your current boyfriends drive you to meet your exes?"

"First off," Adrian cranes her head. "Who said you were my boyfriend? I thought you didn't do labels. I mean, you didn't even call me back after our first date, and on top of that, you go away backpacking across Europe and you didn't even-"

He leans over across the driver's panel, his lips finding hers halfway.

Once Adrian opens her eyes, she looks into his dark ones. "I'm still pissed at you for that."

"And I promise I'll make it up to you," Dante smirks.

She huffs through her nose and doesn't reply to that. Finally, she says, "You're really annoying. I can't even be mad at you properly."

"You weren't complaining when your tongue was down my throat," Dante snips out cockily, driving away from the curb.

"You don't quit, do you?" Adrian pouts, and Dante reaches across, taking her hand and it's warm and calloused and something in her belly flutters, just a little. The streetlights reflecting through the windows bounce off of him and yeah, he's so damn good-looking that she's slightly inclined to put up with some of his crap every once in a while. He'll say something to make her question why she even likes him, and then does something else to answer that question. "I'm not your girlfriend," She reiterates.

"Aiight, fine, but I'm still your boyfriend," Dante shrugs carelessly, as if what Adrian said wasn't even something to detect on his radar.

"I'm picking up my _husband_ when he gets out of the hospital."

"Fine."

"And I'm going out with your _brother_ next weekend," She adds to further piss him off.

"Cool."

"But until then, Grace and I are going to have hot _lesbian_ sex in Daniel's dorm room," Adrian stresses.

"Heh. I knew ya'll two had something going on." Adrian bunches up her fist and punches him hard in the shoulder with her free hand, "_Ow_!" He grins at the glare she's directing him, "Just admit that you like me."

"No, you're too damn cocky," Adrian retorts.

"Confident."

"Whatever; I'm still not your girlfriend, and you're not my boyfriend."

"_Methinks the lady doth protest too much_," Dante quotes with a quirk of his lips.

"You _thinks_ wrong," Adrian says with a laugh. "And what do you know about Shakespeare?"

"_'Tis a common proof, that lowliness is young ambition's ladder, whereto the climber-upward turns his face; but when he once attains the upmost round, he then unto the ladder turns his back, looks in the clouds, scorning the base degrees by which he did ascend."_ Dante finishes with a flourish, and Adrian, speechless, hasn't even noticed that he's parked in front of her condo until he looks over at her and smiles. He gets out on his side and she's left to mull over what just happened for a moment before he opens her door and helps her out on her side. "Shakespeare's dope, okay?"

"Okay," Adrian nods quietly.

And this time when he kisses her, she feels warm all over and her toes curl.

And she hasn't felt that in a while.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading guys, hopefully you'll review.<p>

DAC


	3. Chapter 3

_**Baby, when you were looking at them, I was looking at you…**_

* * *

><p>Ben hasn't figured out anything.<p>

At. All.

Sometimes Adrian will stare up into the sky wondering if their daughter is somewhere within it and sometimes she'll leave food all over the house and sometimes she'll go days at a time without bathing or changing clothes or anything. He just doesn't know what to do and he doesn't know what to say to make this better, to make this right. And he's sure that he's not the person able to truly help her, even if he wants to be. He's at the end of his rope and he places a phone call to Dr. Attavi –Sr., not Jr.- and asks about supplements his wife can take. He doesn't even feel that good about it, but he's really just clueless at this point.

Sometimes she'll lay on her side in bed, completely still, and he'll rub the low of her back, he'll whisper semi-comforting words in her ear, and he'll pray internally that she'll be better the next day.

Except she isn't. In fact, it's as if a little bit more of her dies with every passing day without Mercy, and he's not sure how much more of it he can take.

So he leaves the house after the first week. Immerses himself in schoolwork and butcher shop work and any other type of work he can find, frankly. He eats with his father most nights, just to be out, and walks around the neighborhood, trying not to envision himself pushing along a baby stroller.

He avoids home because unfortunately, home is not where the heart is. Not anymore.

He hates himself for being such a coward, but it's something he's coming to accept. He toys with the idea of just not going home occasionally. He'll stop in front of the walkway where his front door is and he wonders what it would be like to just keep walking and never look back. Ben looks down at his shoes and he knows that all he would have to do is put one foot in front of the other and keep walking away from everything, the condo, the nightmare his life has become, everything.

But then he thinks of himself walking away from Adrian, and he can't seem to do that right now. At least not without trying. So he'll insert his house key slowly though the lock and turn it, and reality comes flooding back as soon as he looks into his wife's eyes. The lost hope, the devastation, it's all there.

He can't go, and yet he doesn't want to stay. It's a paradox he can't unravel himself from.

Still, he walks over to her and she's still looking listlessly through the space in front of her. Her hair is matted and the bags under her eyes are dark and she's wearing one of his hoodies because it's one of the things she feels comfortable in right now, one of the things that fit. Still, she's his wife, and she's still beautiful.

_She's still his wife and she's still beautiful._

He thinks this mantra over and over again.

"Adrian," Ben says calmly to the nonmoving young woman. "Baby, are you ready to go to bed?"

Her eyes barely move and they're still glossed over. She's been in an aloof mood lately and sometimes she'll be calm as a clam and other times she'll snap and shut herself away. She'll confide in Ben because it's what she's always done, but other than that, she hasn't seen anyone except him in weeks, including her own parents, and he's getting scared because Ben himself can't really go two days without seeing his father. Alice and Henry would like to come over but they've only seen and spoke to Ben at school in fear of somehow agitating him and Amy and Ricky have been in a state of utter bliss Ben can only wistfully observe from afar and Grace is in Zimbabwe, and those are the peers that Adrian knows/would be somewhat willing to speak to, if she'd let anyone speak to her.

He kisses the top of her temple and turns her chin so that her line of vision intersects his.

"It's been four weeks, Ben." Adrian says solemnly. "A whole month."

Ben nods knowingly. "Have you rested today?"

"Does it matter?" Adrian says tonelessly. "I'm not going to school or anything tomorrow, so why does it matter?"

"It matters because I love you, and I want you to get your rest. It's not healthy to stay up all day and night."

"I don't stay up all night," She mutters petulantly. Ben looks at her expectantly. It didn't take him long to realize that most nights, she'd slip into the nursery and just stand there. Or even lie in bed with her eyes wide open, unable to sleep and yet still dreaming. Adrian frowns, "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" Ben asks.

"Like…like you're disappointed." Adrian murmurs. "Like I'm fat and hideous and-"

"But I'm not, and you're not any of those things," Ben quickly cuts her off before she can go off on a tangent, but her frown only deepens.

"Say you're disappointed."

"_We're_ disappointed," Ben corrects. "And it's okay for _us_ to be disappointed. But you are _not_ fat and you are _not_ hideous, and I love you too much to think any of those things about you. So come to bed with me tonight and promise me that you'll actually go to sleep."

She shrugs and takes his hand, "I'll try, I guess."

He leads her in- one hand holding hers and the other guiding the low of her back- and lays her down on the bed so that she's facing him and even though neither speaks, Ben's made it clear that he won't close his eyes until Adrian does so first. So he waits patiently as she stares at him and waits as her eyelids open and close blearily and finally follows her into sleep when her eyes close and don't open again. His hand closes around her fist and his thumb caresses her knuckles until she releases the tension from her hand.

* * *

><p>He hasn't even opened his eyes yet, but he sees the light reflecting underneath his eyelids and it feels like he can't move his arm and <em>God<em>, there's some sort of _ringing_ in his ear. And he's pretty sure he feels like half of his body is just numb, like stinging pine needles just barely etching themselves in his skin. He guesses that the more he regains consciousness is the more he should relish unconsciousness. He tries shutting his eyelids tighter first, but ends up agitating the soreness of his face. Then he tries imagining the dark again, and that's a place full of pain and regret. So, despite everything telling him not to, he slowly opens his eyes, and he's not going to say that the last person he expects to be sitting there is _sitting_ there, but…

"Betty?"

The busty blonde grins as her eyes light up, "Morning Ben. How are you feeling?"

He's bandaged, casted, and lying on a hospital bed, but seeing as this is _Betty_ who is asking the question he just sighs. "I'm…okay, I guess. Considering everything." His eyes scan the room before falling back on Betty, "So where's my father?" _And why are you here?_ Goes unsaid. His father's divorcing her, the last thing he would expect would be for her to be there, but-

"Oh, Leo had to go into work. He was here last night," She said with a nod. Her expression darkens momentarily, "With_ Camille_." Ben nods in understanding and Betty's eyes lighten again, her normally sunny disposition back in place. "But I decided to come in because even if Leo and I are getting a divorce, you truly were like a son to me, Ben. I know it took some time to get used to, but I really feel that way. I figured you would've wanted to see a familiar face when you woke up, and Adrian had asked if I could stay with you until she came by to pick you up."

Wait, what?

"Adrian?" Ben questions with wide eyes.

"Adrian," Betty answers with a fond smile. "She's really a good girl, especially now that she's got herself cleaned up and lookin' good. And that _boy_ she's going out with," Betty enthuses with a swooning sigh. "He's no slouch, you know. A _hottie_."

"I didn't notice," Ben says with a slight bitterness he can't keep out of his tone.

Betty looks at him incredulously. "_Really_? I mean, I understand you're a boy, but you really haven't noticed?"

Ben blinks, unwilling to be fazed by Betty's unorthodox logic. "Yup. So, my dad's not going to pick me up?"

Betty shakes her head, "No. He'll come by to see you, of course, but Adrian insisted she'd pick you up and your father didn't see an issue with it."

Of course his _father_ didn't see an issue with his _soon-to-be ex-wife_ picking him up from the _hospital_ and taking him _home_. **Preposterous**.

As Ben attempts to process all of this, figure out if his father somehow knew that he wanted to see Adrian or if this was just another lesson, Betty continues, "You know, I'll never understand why men don't know what they want when it comes to marriage. The wife tries and tries and tries and it's just _never_ enough. Adrian doesn't need to be here, in fact, she should be going out with that hot guy she's met but instead she's getting things ready so that she can take you home." She sighs in admiration of the young _hot tomato_ she's come to care for, and curiously, she leans in a little closer to Ben. "Why are you divorcing Adrian, Ben? Was she a bad wife to you, or somethin'? Or-"

"I wasn't ready to be married." Ben states evenly, "_We_ weren't ready to be married. And I wasn't mature enough to deal with losing Mercy the way we did, and it doesn't excuse half of the things I've done, but it's the truth."

Before Betty could ask Ben to further explain, there's a quick knock at the door and in a floral shirt and capris, is Adrian.

Adrian, with her hair in dark, cascading curls and wide eyes with a matching smile. Adrian, who had barely come into the room and had his heart thundering in his ears.

"Hey," Adrian greets Betty, who beams at the young woman and embraces her quickly. Adrian gives Ben a slightly shyer smile, but he's too preoccupied by her presence to return it. "Hi, Ben. Ready to go?" He doesn't answer immediately, so she continues, "The doctor said they only needed you for overnight observation; Ricky already came and took Nora home."

Even when Adrian mentions Nora, his memory from the prior night becomes a little less bleary. He's going to stop drinking, he is. He's going to follow her advice because he's tired of running after something that's not only hopeless but just ridiculous at this point. He wanted out, and normalcy, and Amy. But now he's thinking that that's not really what he wants at all.

If Adrian didn't care about him, then why was she here? Why would she want to take him back to the condo, their "home"? Why is she still dating Dante or Omar or whoever else she could be dating?

"You know, it's really sweet of you to come and pick up Ben after everything that's happen, Adrian." Betty says softly, "Boy, I wish I was that kind."

Adrian's brow furrows. "But you are, Betty."

The blonde shakes her head, "Oh no, not like you, at least."

Adrian laughs, approaches Ben's bedside with a slight smile. "Why so serious?"

Ben's lips quirk upward at the movie reference and shrugs. "Wouldn't you be, if you caused a car accident because you were stupid enough to drink and drive?" He asks and Adrian's smile dims.

"Well, are you going to drink again? Because I'm not taking you home if you're going to do that," Adrian says firmly with a determined glint in her irises and crossed arms. Sassy, just like he likes her.

"I'm not going to do that," Ben shakes his head. "Ever again."

"You said you weren't going to last time," Adrian murmurs cynically.

"I mean it this time," Ben nods. "I promise; I'm not going to drink again."

Adrian smirks. "You sure, Boykewich?"

"Positive," Ben says desperately. "Please, can we go home?" He asks, and Betty and Adrian share a laugh at his comically wide eyes.

"Alright," Adrian says softly, and Ben swears there's some sort of fondness behind it, but as quickly as he noticed it, it was gone. She leaves the room, and he guesses it's because she's getting ready to sign him out and handle other matters while he gets dressed. He stares at the doorway for a long time, nearly forgetting Betty's presence still in the room until she looks at him with a smug smirk and a glint in her eye. "You still love her, don't you?"

"Yes," Ben answers immediately without hesitation. "I messed up."

"That you did," Betty agrees with a nod. "But you're a sweet kid Ben; sweeter than most guys I met when I was your age." The blonde commends, though Ben shakes his head.

"I think I used to be, but…I'm not. Not anymore."

Betty slightly frowns. "Well…ya _could_ be, you know. If you wanted. It's in you, I've seen it and I'm sure Adrian has too." She nods, bouncy blonde curls following the movement jubilantly. Ben looks at her carefully and it's not as if he was ever particularly close to Betty or anything, and he has no reason to be now that his dad is divorcing her and he's realized that Camille loves him –something he knew for the longest time- but the woman is well-meaning and even if she can be at her least odd and at her most different, for some reason he gets the feeling that she's better at reading people than she lets on. She sighs, "You know, Adrian cares about you. She wouldn't be here if she didn't."

"She's with someone else," Ben states doubtfully.

"So you're giving up," Betty replies incredulously. "She doesn't have a ring on her finger, does she?"

Ben chuckles. "It's not that easy."

"Of course it is!" Betty exclaims as she stands. "You tell her you love her, Ben Boykewich." She exits the room abruptly, leaving a bewildered Ben in her wake. The older woman shuts the door with a distinct click, in order to stop herself from divulging Adrian's secret and from behind the doorway, she huffs in a whisper, "And then, maybe she'll tell you how much she loves you too."

* * *

><p>Adrian's in the waiting room, signing release forms when Betty finds her. "Tomato?"<p>

"Tamale," Adrian answers without looking up from her clipboard."

Betty grins at the inside joke momentarily, but sits beside her sternly. "Tell him you love him, Adrian."

"No," Adrian doesn't even blink as she flips over the top sheet and begins skimming through the next.

"Why not?" The older woman all but whines. "You love him."

"He doesn't love _me_."

The blonde's eyes narrow as a smile blossoms on her face. "I wouldn't say all of that."

Adrian looks up at her with narrowed eye of her own at the woman's expression. "What do you know?"

Betty squeals, grabbing her soon-to-not-be daughter in-laws hand, "Just tell him. Really tell him how you feel, Adrian."

"What do you know, Betty?" Adrian asks again with a renewed vigor.

Betty sighs, "Ben loves you."

Adrian looks at her and returns back to reading the form on her lap; "It doesn't change anything."

Betty gapes at her, "How could you say that?"

"Because it's the truth. Ben and I are getting a divorce and that's it. It doesn't matter because I can't fix something that can't be fixed." Adrian's eyes become slightly glossed over, but she blinks away the wetness. Betty's heart breaks for the girl that she's come to love in front of her.

"I'm sorry, baby girl." Betty apologizes for the advice she gave her, the advice she tried and failed. "Honest."

"It's fine," Adrian shakes her head. "I'm moving on, it's fine."

"Well, as long as you're sure…" Betty says with a bite to her lower lip.

"I'm sure." Adrian brushes a curl behind her ear and stands to give the forms to the receptionist. As she stands behind the glass, slipping the forms through the opening at the kindly woman, she can practically feel Betty's sad blue eyes on her. She heads back to her seat and looks at Betty determinedly, "Everything's _fine_."

"I believe you," The woman nods.

Adrian sighs and Ben emerges from the double doors, dressed with his arm in a sling and Adrian cuts Betty a quick look for her to know that what they've discussed shouldn't be said to anyone else, which the woman nods at before getting up and embracing Ben, much to his chagrin. "Well, Adrian's gonna take over from here, Ben. I hope you get better soon, stay in touch."

Ben smiles lightly, "Yeah, will do."

Betty lets him go, gives Adrian a loving squeeze on her shoulder, and leaves the lobby of the hospital, leaving Adrian to face Ben. She gives him that same, shy smile from earlier and as he looks at her, for the life of him, he can't understand where her hesitancy is coming from; Adrian's never been hesitant about anything or around anyone before.

"So…" Adrian begins, trying to fill the silence.

"So," Ben replies, not knowing what to say either.

They stare at one another for another moment before laughing outright. "This is stupid," Adrian says with a wry shake of her head.

"What is?" Ben asks.

Adrian gestures the air between them with a smile she's trying to stifle. "This. Are you hungry? I'm kinda hungry; we can go home and I can make us breakfast, or something."

"Breakfast sounds great," Ben smiles. And yes, he says it in that way that's warm and familiar and makes Adrian melt a little but it's not like she shows it. She just says great with a wide smile and turns to go through the automatic doors. But before she can go through, he grabs her hand with his free one, which she stops to stare down at, and ultimately she looks up into his almond eyes. "Thank you, for picking me up from the hospital, Adrian." His hand is warm, like his words, and it's really, really distracting.

She blinks before smiling again, "No problem, Ben."

* * *

><p>Really fillerish, really boring chapter, I admit. But next should be better (I hope xD)<p>

Drop a review, I love 'em long and I like 'em short; thanks for reading.

DAC


	4. Chapter 4

_**Baby, when you were looking at them, I was looking at you…**_

* * *

><p>The car ride home is comfortable, quiet. Until Ben breaks the silence.<p>

"So, how was your…_date_?" He asks without really looking at her. He's not really sure if he can, if he's allowed to, after what he's put her through.

She nods slightly, keeping her attention set to the road, "It was good."

_Good?_

"Yeah," She says, slightly put off. "He's nice. I mean, he hasn't _called_ me, but I'm sure he'll get back to me."

Ben looks at her, realizing he said what he thought out loud. Crap. "How long was I out for?"

"About two days," Adrian answers easily as she comes to a stop light.

"And he hasn't called you?" Ben asks incredulously.

"What, do you _care_?" Adrian asks, looking at him.

"No," Ben says abruptly without thinking. Adrian faces forward again with an annoyed huff and Ben tries to quickly correct himself, "I mean, that's not what I meant, I _do_ care."

"Just save it, Ben," Adrian shakes her head and resumes driving when the light turns green. Her hands tighten on the steering wheel until her knuckles whiten and Ben internally curses himself.

"I'm an idiot, Adrian. If last night was any indication, that's what I am." Ben says morosely. "I always _say_ the wrong thing, or _do_ the wrong thing and I just don't want us to go back to the condo mad at each other."

"Oh, I'm not mad," Adrian says. "I'm _so over_ with being mad."

"Then how do you feel now?" Ben murmurs, not knowing what to expect.

"I don't know," Adrian answers honestly after a long moment in silence. "I mean, I get it. You'd rather not live in the condo with me. But all I was asking for was a few months, just a few because believe it or not, your presence is calming to me." She takes a left turn into their neighborhood. "It's not like I'm saying that we need to be romantically involved anymore, so I don't understand why you decided to drink, and then drink and drive! If you felt you really needed to do it, fine, but you could've called me-"

"You were on a date," Ben interrupts.

"And I would've left to come and pick you up, don't you know that?" Adrian questions. "Just like when I came to the hospital when you got hurt. I know you don't want me as your wife, but I'm still you friend, and if you ever need me, just _ask_." Her voice cracks and it's only then that Ben realizes how much he's affected her by his stupidity. Ben looks over at her to apologize, but just as quickly as her vulnerability came onto her face, it was gone. She blinked the glassiness away from her eyes and she cleared her throat. "Let's just forget it, okay? You promised me you wouldn't drink again and let's just leave it at that," She murmurs resolutely.

Ben nods and Adrian parks in the lot beside their condo. They both leave the car quietly, Adrian a bit sour and Ben feeling like an ass, and she unlocks the door to the condo just a little bit too roughly and shuts the door to the point of a slam.

And if he didn't think she was upset before, he pretty much knows it now.

* * *

><p>"So, New York?"<p>

Adrian exhales, wide-eyed and unprepared for Ben's assessment, and Ben's appraisal, and Ben's _approval_. He should be telling her that she's insane and that she doesn't have to go away for a good education and that even if she did have to go away from school, he would be more than willing to follow her. _That's_ what he should be _saying_. What he should be _doing_.

She wants to keep him.

But it looks like he doesn't want to keep _her_.

"…I think it's a _great_ idea; you should _definitely_ do it!" Ben exclaims finally with a smile and relieved breath.

_Relieved_. Not _worried_ that his wife would be possible making the biggest mistake of her life by pursuing something she had never even considered before, but _relieved_.

"You know," Ben begins, not noticing the distinct frown forming on Adrian's face, or the glare she's directing his way. "I think I'll have another brownie, I'll go get it."

"No, no," Adrian insists, forcing a smile on her face. "_I'll_ get the brownies."

"Okay," Ben says, relaxing back in his seat and oblivious to Adrian's change in demeanor.

Inside the condo, Adrian fumes. She separates a brownie from another and taps the brunt end of a knife against the counter. He doesn't want to keep her, he wants out. He wants out, he wants out, he wants out. She doesn't know how to function under that thought and under those words.

She thinks she wants to try to make him happy. Because if he was happy, then he wouldn't want out. And no one runs away from a _good_ thing. So, she follows more of Betty's advice. She takes a long hot shower and goes out for a walk in the morning. She cooks breakfast for him and decides to clean out the nursery while he's away at school and work because he says he gets depressed by the sight of it each and every day. Later, when the quaint nursery is just a bare room, she looks out the window, satisfied and hoping for something better when Ben gets home.

And instead, gets the tongue lashing of her life.

"_She was my daughter, too_!" Ben bellows, "You had _no right_ to give away those items! How could you be so _selfish_, Adrian?"

Wide-eyed and shocked by the turn of events, she tries to explain. Explain that she just wanted him to be happy and to make things better. "I-"

"_Don't_." Ben states with bloodshot eyes. "Not another word. It was _your_ idea to cheat on Ricky and Amy! And it was _your_ idea to take down the nursery! And when you love someone, you don't do things like that –you _don't_ get back at people and you _don't_ do things without talking to the person you're with!"

A tear streaks down her cheek, "I-"

"You don't love me," Ben shakes his head. "You don't love anyone, but yourself."

Adrian shakes her head, tears glistening on her lashes, but Ben doesn't see or hear her. He spouts out more hateful phrases of their harsh reality –that this was a forced marriage, that he never wanted to marry her, that he didn't want to be a father, that he loved Amy, that he _still_ loved Amy.

That Mercy deserved to die.

Ben leaves the room, lost in his destructive thoughts, leaving a broken Adrian in his wake. At first, she's speechless. No one, not even her mother, has ever spoken to her like that. It sets her off because she's never felt so angry at someone, fuming with rage. She clenches her fist, fingernails biting into her palm, and strikes at the wall closest to her. The pain the shoots up her arm is numbed as she pulls on her hair and she punches a hole through the drywall again. And again.

She does this 21 times throughout the evening. The same of number of times as the title of Adele's new CD as _Rolling in the Deep_ plays endlessly on repeat.

She sits on the floor, swaying side to side with a cloth of ice over her reddened hand and her life, at eighteen years old, is already in a down whirl spiraling out of control. Experimentally, she tries moving her hand, but it's stuck in place, pulsating in agony.

She holds her bruised hand in her other hand gingerly. She maneuvers herself in holding her keys and then locks the door once she gets outside. Then she gets in her car, rests her bruised hand on the steering wheel as she starts the car and backs out.

Adrian drives out of the neighborhood, and into Leo's, and she knows her husband so well it's devastating because when she goes to the door and rings the doorbell, Leo is surprised. He looks surly and disappointed and she knows he must have seen Ben. "Adrian…you don't want to see him right now."

"I want to see him. Right now," She says dryly. She knows that as her father-in law, he's probably trying to protect her. The sentiment is sweet, but the damage was done long before he could've done anything to prevent it.

Leo nods in understanding. Leading her up the steps, he says, "He came into the restaurant drunk, and then he passed out. I don't even know where he could've gotten the alcohol."

"Ben had a fake ID made," Adrian says stoically, liveliness devoid from her voice. "When he was 15, he had one made to marry Amy." The words out of her mouth don't hurt, they just depress even more. Ben had married Amy once. Adrian attended the wedding. Nothing is right anymore.

Leo looks at Adrian carefully, eyes puffy and lifeless from crying, and then he looks down at her swollen hand. "What did he do to you?" The older man inquires, underlying anger in his voice.

Adrian shrugs, eyes cast downward. "Nothing- he just told me the truth. The truth hurts."

"And what version of the truth did he tell you?" Leo huffs.

"That he doesn't love me. That he never loved me." Adrian says tonelessly. She grabs Leo's arm before he can enter the room in a rage, "Do you know what? I don't believe him though." She lets out a small smile, "He'll be home by tomorrow, I think I'll let him sleep this off." She opens the door and Ben is snuggled on one side of his old bed with a teddy bear in his arms; Mr. Bear, she presumes. It's sad and kinda cute all at the same time. "Yeah, I think I'll let him sleep it off; I'll see him tomorrow," Adrian says softly as she and Leo watch Ben sleep curled around his childhood toy.

"Aren't you mad at him, Adrian?" Leo whispers in awe.

"I _was_ mad, but not really at him. He was mad and he deserved to be. I've never had anyone speak to me like that before."

Misinterpreting her words to be insulting, Leo gruffly asks again, "What did he say to you?"

"Just the truth," Adrian calmly says again. She smiles, a determined glint enamored with thoughts of _marriage_ and _pregnancy_ and _forever_ with Ben and her smile grows. She looks over to Leo genuinely, "Thank you for watching over him, Mr. Boykewich. Can you just tell him to come home tomorrow?"

"Of course, Adrian," Leo agrees, a bit flustered by Adrian's calm demeanor.

She gives him one final smile and Ben one more look with softened eyes before she leaves.

She goes to her parent's house instead of back to the condo. Her mom is in the kitchen is in the kitchen when she gets there and with the brightest smile she can muster, she says hi, despite it being so late, and asks for help.

"Help?" Cindy asks back, brushing a strand of Adrian's hair behind her ear.

"Mmhmm," Adrian hums. "I'm going back to school tomorrow and I need a really _fierce_ outfit, and maybe you could help me with my makeup?"

And Cindy knows her daughter. She may not have always _been_ there, but she knows her daughter _hates_ asking for help. But she wants to go back to school, and she _is_ here and if her daughter wants her assistance in something as simple as clothing and makeup, she'll be more than glad to help. "Of course, _mija_. Are you hungry?"

Adrian's lips quirk. "A little."

Cindy smiles, "Me too. So how about you go upstairs and put on some pajamas and I'll bring up some food for us and we can talk. That sound good?"

Adrian nods with a bright hum and she does what her mother says. She still has a few of her clothes over here, only a few, and they're the ones that were too snug on her while she was pregnant. She puts on a tank top and some shorts, and she has a little bit of a tummy but she thinks it's kind of cute. And then she goes to her closet to pick out an outfit for tomorrow; some of her tops happen to be too tight, even for her taste, but then she spots a blue blouse with a few cute cutoffs and she thinks it'll work, especially since Ben's favorite color is blue.

Cindy comes up holding a tray with a bowl of fruit, a couple of sandwiches, and two cups of juice and Adrian emerges from the closet, holding up a pair of skinny blue jeans. "_Mamí_, you think I can still fit this? I mean, I know I've gotten bigger but…"

Cindy chuckles, and sits the tray down on the duvet. She securitizes the jeans and then Adrian's curvy figure and pulls at the material, "There's a little bit of a stretch in them, so yeah." She cocks her head toward the bed, "But we can decide that in the morning; let's go eat."

Adrian hangs the jeans back in the closet and joins her mom on her bed, sinking her teeth into one of the ham sandwiches she made. She hasn't eaten in a few hours and she didn't realize how ravenous her appetite was until she took that first bite.

Cindy looks at her with a quirked brow as Adrian tears into the sandwich. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I would think you hadn't eaten in days."

Adrian sheepishly swallows the amount she has in her mouth and puts it down, plucking a grape from the bowl and eating that instead.

"What's wrong Adrian?" Cindy asks cautiously.

Adrian shrugs. "Ben doesn't really want to be married to me anymore," She reveals quietly. "But I love him," She says, looking straight into her mother's eyes.

"Did he tell you that?" Cindy's brow furrows.

"In so many words. He hasn't really had a chance to grieve and I think it's because he wanted to let me grieve, but it's time for me to get back in the swing of things. I want to graduate this year and with my grades, I should be able to even graduate with honors." Adrian says with a small smile. "I want to do that, for myself."

"And Ben?" Cindy inquires.

Adrian's smile grows wider. "I think in his heart of hearts, he wants that for me too."

But. "Did he _say_ that, Adrian?"

"He means well," Adrian defends. "He always has. And I appreciate that we've gotten to a level in our relationship where we can be _honest_ with each other. And I want to always have that because it's the first time I've ever really had that."

And she wants it back. She wants it the way it was, she wants him back. And in order to do that, she needs to attract Ben's attention in the biggest way. So the next day, she gets up early and takes a nice long shower and blow dries her hair straight and slides her feet in some heels for the first time in a few months. She drives to school, nice and slow, and before getting out, she reapplies her lip-gloss with a smirk in her rear view mirror.

She struts across the parking lot in her knee-high back boots, through the double doors, and smiles brightly as Ben is the first thing she sees down the hallway. His jaw slacks momentarily as he meets her halfway and she wraps her hands around his neck, bringing it down with a tilt of her head and melting in his kiss in the middle of the hallway. "Good morning, Ben. How'd you sleep?"

"Adrian?" Ben questions incredulously. "Wha-_How_…What are you doing back in school?"

Her dark eyes glitter as she answers. "What we spoke about. Getting my education and what better way to spend my time than to be here, with you?"

Ben is at a loss of words. "Adrian, I packed my bags this morning, I left."

She nods, "I know."

"Then, if you _know_, why?..."

She leans up to him close, her breath whispering on his lips. "Because we're _married_. I'm not going to just let you _go_. I _love_ you." She seals her statement with another kiss, nice and slow, and unravels herself from him, smirking and waving to various students in the hallway. He stares at her as she struts confidently with her head held high and a swagger in her step, and suddenly she's _that_ girl again.

The one he fell for.

And he couldn't stop thinking about her as he sat through Pre-Cal and he couldn't walk through the hallway without hearing her name and at lunch he found himself _looking_ for her because he hadn't seen her almost all day, even though he _knew_ she was there in school. Alice and Henry sat down opposite of him, as usual, and he felt…_hollow_ somehow.

"What's wrong Ben?" Alice asks inquisitively.

"Looking for something?" Henry follows with a shadow of a smirk on his face.

Ben opens his mouth, but closes it again when he realizes he can't verbalize exactly what he's feeling. He's lost and confused and he doesn't really know the reason _why_.

He feels her before he sees her; soft supple pink lips on his and it nearly takes his breath away as she deepens the kiss. She backs away with a bright smile and sits by his left side, swiping a fry from his plate and biting into the middle. Alice and Henry stare, stunned by the Latina's unique greeting, but Alice recovers first. "Hi, Adrian," She says cautiously with a half-smile.

Ben looks at Adrian as she directs herself at Alice seamlessly, without missing a beat. "Hey Alice!" She beams, "Henry," She greets with a nod of her head.

"Uh, how are you?" Henry asks in lieu of a greeting as Adrian dips the remainder of the fry in Ben's ketchup. Ben continues to quietly survey her as she pops the fry in her mouth.

"Pretty good," She says with a shrug. "A bit boring because I had to get my schedule reorganized, but I can still graduate this summer."

Alice face brightens. "So, you decided to come back to school?"

Adrian nods, "Yeah." She looks at to her right with a sidelong smile, "Thanks to Ben."

Alice and Henry exchange glances as Adrian bats her eyes flirtatiously at Ben and hooks her foot around his ankle underneath the table. She scoots closer to him, looking in his eyes, "How are you?"

"I'm okay," Ben breathes out, somehow relieved. "What about you?" He asks as his almond eyes soften.

"Good," She reiterates softly. She takes another fry from his plate, dipping it in ketchup. "Just a little bored," She reveals with her eyes downcast, but he knows her enough to know there's more to that.

And he also knows that she wouldn't want to discuss it in front of other people.

He looks at Alice and Henry quickly. "Would you guys mind giving us some privacy?"

The two shake their heads and gather their trays; "We're just going to head in the lunchroom," Alice says in parting as she and Henry leave and Ben turns back to Adrian, who's looking at him through her lashes.

"I'm sorry," Ben apologizes immediately. "I'm really sorry for what I put you through yesterday."

She decides not to answer him on that point. "I miss you," She says instead.

His gaze wanes. "I left, Adrian."

She answers that with another kiss, hooking her fingers behind her ear. "You could always come _back_," She says, her nose touching his.

"It's not that simple," Ben shakes his head.

Adrian backs up, "But it _could_ be." She continues looking at him, "Is it Amy?" She whispers.

_What?_ Ben shakes his head. "No, it's not. It's…_me_, essentially."

Adrian laughs. "That's an old break-up line."

Before Ben can answer, the bell rings loudly over the promenade. "I have to get back," Ben says and Adrian nods, standing up and giving him a beaming smile with a kiss to his forehead.

"Okay," She chirps. "See you later?"

_No._ "Sure," He agrees.

She leaves his side with a bounce in her step and he exhales. How can he see her later, if he's left and all of his stuff is in a duffle bag in his truck? It's not like he's going _back_. He's _not_ going back. He left and he's not going back and nothing is going to change that.

Except it changes when he sees her again that afternoon. Adrian holds a girl in the hallway by her forearm with her eyes incensed and nostrils flared and _defending_ him even when he couldn't find the words to do so himself and he kind of loves her in that moment of time. She is who she is and he loves her for it.

"…and you're an _ass_." Adrian says between gritted teeth. "And I would _wish_ you'd lose your baby when you have one, but I don't wish that on _anyone_." The girl flees, almost in tears, Ben notes, and Adrian looks at him and in the blink of an eye, she's bouncing up to him gleefully. He apologizes again because he knows he was wrong and feels even worse when she says she _understands_ why he did it. That she doesn't _blame_ him for acting that way. He really doesn't deserve her.

"I was hoping," She says in a small voice, "that you'd come home. And we don't even have to live as a married couple, but as _friends_." For two people who were never _really_ friends, they agree to friendship every time they have a disagreement.

"I don't think we'll ever be _friends_ at this point, Adrian." Ben says knowingly, and her face falls.

"It's all I really want," She says with shining eyes. "_Please_. All I want is for you to walk out that door with me, holding my hand, like you did when Amy came back to school."

And she looks so small, and he can't say no. He doesn't know if it'd because he's too much of a coward or…if it's because he wants to walk out those doors holding her hand too, but he extends his hand without another thought and he smile grows so wide, it reaches her eyes and her hand rests in his and clasps as they walk down the hallway, ignorant of any eyes that fell on them.

* * *

><p>The doorbell rings later and Ben, just about to enter the kitchen, veers off course to answer the door with his spare arm. Ever since Adrian's brought him home, everything's been quite. She sequestered herself in her room for the remainder of the day and Ben, interpreting that as her being upset with him, left her to her own devices.<p>

He twists that handle and on the other side is a guy with dark caramel skin in a slim fitting polo and his hands shoved in his pockets. He raises his head, scrutinizing. "So, you must be the ex," He says with a smirk.

"And you must be the _jerk_ that didn't call Adrian back," Ben accuses with a bite in his tone.

The guy laughs, "Wrong brother, man." His eyes focus behind Ben and Ben turns around to see Adrian in a red low-cut dress with matching heels, holding a clutch. The man at the door lets out a low whistle and Ben grits his teeth behind his lips. She looks _gorgeous_.

She walks up slowly and stands beside Ben in the doorway, surveying the guy with approving eyes. "Hello, Omar," She says, lingering on his name with a smirk on her lips.

'Omar' looks from her honeyed eyes and down to her pedicured toes, scanning a few areas of her outfit a little longer than he should, causing Ben to subconsciously stand closer to Adrian's side. "Hey babe."

"I'm not your babe," Adrian says as a sassy retort with a quirk of her lips and Ben smiles approvingly.

"_Yet_." Omar states confidently.

"We'll see," Adrian bats her eyes, her long lashes sweeping her cheeks as she steps out into the hallway and Omar grins in responds, his eyes falling to her full ass when her back is turned. Ben's grip on the door handle tightens until his knuckles turn white and Adrian turns back to Ben with a small smile. "Don't wait up for me, okay?"

Ben nods tightly, eyes softened as he looks at her and hard when he glares at Omar, who nods his head at him as his arm slips around Adrian's waist.

He shuts the door to the point of a slam.

And he guesses that if she didn't know he was upset, she knows it now.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and reviewing everyone! After Flip Flop, it's so apparent that these two are endgame, it's almost scary. Call Adrian crazy all you like, but <em>Ben<em> is the one who _wants_ her, so who's the _real_ crazy one in this situation? I hope you continue to enjoy, feel free to drop a review and tell me how I'm doing :)

DAC


	5. Chapter 5

_**Baby, when you were looking at them, I was looking at you…**_

* * *

><p>He figures that if he complies with everything she wants, she'll find that what she thinks she wants isn't really what she wants at all.<p>

But really, he's tired of playing second fiddle to everyone and everything else. He wants her back and he wants her now. And the only way she's going to fully comprehend that is if he tells her point blank that he's not willing to do without her in his life. Usually, he's not one to share, but at this point, he's south of desperate and completely at her mercy.

_Mercy_.

He remembers her, and he has to make sure Adrian doesn't forget.

She comes back from her date, this time with Dante, at around two o'clock and the condo is dark until she cuts on the living room light and sees Ben on the couch. Her bright smile wanes, but she still has a glow on her since her skin is flushed. He doesn't even want to think of why her skin could possibly be flushed like that. "Ben," She greets. "I didn't think you'd still be up."

"Yeah," Ben remarks dryly. "Not many people are up at this time, let alone just getting in."

Adrian's full lips purse as her hand falls on her waist defiantly. "Do you have a problem with me coming in so late? Because roommates don't get mad when roommates come in late."

"No, you're right," Ben muttered bitterly. "I'm not mad at all."

"Good," Adrian retorts with a curl of her lips. She starts to head to the hallway leading to her adjacent bedroom but before she can blink, Ben is in her way and her eyes narrow automatically. "Are you going to move out of my way so I could go to sleep?"

"No." Ben shakes his head. "I have to tell you something." She rolls her eyes without batting an eyelash.

"What do you-"

But she doesn't finish her question because his lips crash on hers hard and fast and he tastes smoke and she almost recoils, but his hands wrap around her waist before she could pull away. Her eyes burn from the all-consuming embrace and she can't suppress the moan that is born at the back of her throat. He pulls away and his eyes are wide and glassy, something she didn't notice before in that shadows of the room. "You're high," She accuses quietly, and his silence confirms it. Adrian pushes against his chest and wipes her swollen lips in disgust.

Ben chuckles without humor, "I'm not drunk."

"As if _that_ makes it better," Adrian barks. She shakes her head, "Let me guess, _Dylan_?"

"I don't care about her. Not in that way, anyways."

"I'm sure," Adrian snarls sarcastically.

"I care about you," He says, approaching her. "I want you back, and like you said, I was always the better guy."

"You _were_. But I don't know what you are now," Adrian crosses her arms under the chest. "You know, you should leave, go back home to your father because you don't want to be here, and you shouldn't be here. And I don't need you."

"We'll always need each other, Adrian. And if I didn't love you, then I wouldn't still be here. I'm here because I love you, and I want you. I want you back."

"You can't have me," She says fiercely. She pushes past him and he grabs her wrists, caresses them with his thumbs.

"Did you sleep with him?"

"That's none of your business if I slept with him or not, you're just my roommate, and tomorrow that's all you're going to be as far as legalities are concerned."

Ben's face darkens at the mention of the upcoming meeting. "I'm not signing it."

"That's funny, coming from you. The guy who _never_ wanted to get married, the guy that was _forced_ in a marriage and wanted out, but _still_ stayed because he was too much of a _coward_. Your wife must have been a real _bitch_." After throwing his words in his face, she pushes past him as Ben stands in the same spot, momentarily numb.

"I didn't mean it like that," Ben sighs lowly.

Adrian turns around quickly. "And how _did_ you mean it?"

He takes a forceful breath in and broken breath out. "Is this what you really want, Adrian?"

"Absolutely."

"Then I won't stop you." Ben says stoically. "See you in the morning."

"Fine!" She agrees.

The door slams, and his heart stops.

He can't figure out why he's still breathing.

* * *

><p>The small pouch of fat layered over Adrian's belly, the one she glowed with pride over, is just depressing now. And she can't fit into her old clothes anymore, at least, not the way that she wants to. She squeezes it, and pats it, and no matter how long she rubs or how much she eats, a baby isn't going to magically conceive itself within her and <em>looking<em> pregnant doesn't actually _make_ you pregnant.

She isn't even sleeping in the same bedroom with Ben anymore.

So she gets up, puts on a sweat suit, which coincidentally, is one of the only things that actually fit her nicely now, and starts walking. At first it's down the block of her neighborhood and back. And then, a week later, it's through the park and back. And then, three weeks after that, she starts jogging and she doesn't feel as out of breath anymore. She cuts back on the churros and starts putting on make-up again, just some lipgloss, a little bit of the occasional eyeshadow. It's freeing, it's almost like she's herself again.

She starts going to the butcher shop, to see Ben, she convinces herself. But she can't help but notice Ricky, and how Ricky fills out his uniform, and how Ricky's dimples wink at her when he smiles, and how Ricky…isn't hers anymore.

It's just depressing.

And she convinces herself that Ricky isn't hers, and that Ricky belongs to someone else, even though he shouldn't, and not even Ben's hand on the low of her back can dissuade her of this.

But then, Ben will do something, like smile all the way up to his eyes, and she's reminded. He's her husband, the father of her child. She _wants_ him to be the father of her children. And she knows she said that having a child with someone doesn't mean you belong with them, and she fully believes it.

But she _wants_ to belong with Ben, so she gives him one last chance.

They go to prom together, and it's beautiful, and he tells her _she's_ beautiful, and she's convinced that this is it –her and Ben are going to make love tonight and they're going to have another baby and she's not going to feel this emptiness inside her anymore.

But his _eyes_ lie, his _smile_ lies, his _words_ lie, _everything's_ a lie.

The _last_ thing he wants to do is sleep with her and her hope falls and she's _so_ embarrassed because she put so much time and effort into doing this and looking like this for him, and it doesn't even matter. Ben's not sleeping with her tonight, and there's nothing that she could seductively whisper in his ear that's going to change it. Hell, he blatantly turned down all of her attempts earlier in the week!

As soon as she steps in the condo, she knows she should feel guilty for trying to seduce him, but honestly, all she feels is _pissed_.

She kicks off her heels at the doors, and stomps to her room- not theirs since they haven't shared it in a couple of weeks- and slams the door. She's beyond upset, this was their last chance to be together again, and it was blown all because of his _respect_ for her, which was just another lie! If he _respected_ her, he would sleep with her, and if he _really_ respected her, he wouldn't have slept with her in the first place!

He knocks the bedroom door, but she ignores it, unzipping her dress and letting it fall to her feet.

Ben steps in, and she turns, shooting him a glare that would've been otherwise intimidating had she not been clad in her two piece lingerie set.

As it stood, she was, and she felt almost proud, a smug smile blossoming on her face as Ben's eyes raked her toned figure. All of those weeks of walking and jogging were paying off in this one moment. After several moments, Ben's darkened eyes finally found hers, and Adrian crossed her arms underneath her breasts.

Ben, finally, shows shame and averts his gaze, hand scratching the back of his head sheepishly. He clears his throat, "I didn't want you to go to bed upset."

"I guess it's too late for that," Adrian snips.

Ben sighs heavily, his eyes pleading, "Don't be like that."

"Be like what?" She questions. "Be closer to you? You've been pushing me away for three months Ben!"

"I know," Ben admits. He pauses for a minute in thought. Then, "I don't know how to be closer to you without..."

"Without, what? _Sleeping with me_?" Adrian seethes absolutely livid. "What is it, am I so _undesirable_ that you don't want me? Am I so _fat_-"

"You're not fat," Ben argues.

"Then, _what_?" Adrian huffs, throwing her arms out to her sides. "'Oh, you look so beautiful tonight, but not good enough to be with'?"

Ben closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It has _nothing_ to do with the way you look, Adrian. And when you realize that you're more than just your looks, then maybe you can understand."

All of the air leaves Adrian's body. She blinks, disbelieving at first, but then bridges the gap between her and Ben. She looks up at him with narrowed eyes, "So, you don't want to sleep with me, not because I look terrible, but because I'm a terrible person?"

Ben shakes his head, "That's not what I said."

"It's what you meant!" The Latina exclaims.

"It's not what I meant," Ben says quietly.

Adrian throws out her arms again, "Then what _did_ you mean?"

It's about trust. It's about the principal of the matter. Because the fact is, Ben knows what Adrian is plotting –and it's embarrassing that it had to go from Grace to Amy to Ricky to then finally come from his father. But more than that, it's his weakness. Because while the logical part of Ben knows that he and Adrian having another child so soon is scary to say the least, the weak part of him is actually considering it. Maybe having another baby with Adrian right now _wouldn't_ be so bad. They _are_ married, they _were_ going to be parents, and despite everything else, he _does_ love her. And he wants to keep the peace, and telling her that he knows what her plan is just is just going to make everything worse between them.

"I mean that," He sighs, pausing mid-sentence. "I mean that I was being honest at the dance- I don't want to hurt you again. And as much as I don't want to admit it, Ricky was right. I hurt you in more ways that I thought were imaginable that night in the car. I don't regret being with you," He adds when her face falls, "but I did hurt you, and I don't want to hurt you again. I can't trust myself with not hurting you again."

Adrian nods, hugging herself. Ben wishes her good night, and leaves the room, and Adrian crawls under her covers, not bothering to change into her pajamas. She shuts off the lights and lays in the darkness. "And you can't trust me either," She mutters to herself knowingly before closing her eyes.

* * *

><p>She starts going to this gym about five blocks away from the condo on Saturdays. Without really knowing what the Hell she's even doing, she grabs a pair of boxing gloves they have in the practice room and starts beating the Hell out of a punching bag with Adele blaring in her ears and Ben's face on her mind. She's <em>supposed<em> to be helping Ben fix the walls in the nursery, or rather, his new bedroom, but _fuck it_, she's pretty sure that if she stays close to him long enough, she'll do something crazy –like tell him to get the fuck out of the condo, or sleep with his best friend, or swing by the butcher shop on Ricky's break, or _get pregnant_.

So, yes, for the time being, this suits her just fine.

Sweat drips from her brow and without any rhyme or rhythm, she just flats out starts kicking the bag mercilessly, all of the muscles she used during her time as a majorette being put to good use. She shifts to a combo of kicks and punches, and she's only barely aware of the fact that she actually _punches_ someone in their sternum, until she feels the wall of muscle combating back against her tired fist.

Her eyes open wide and she pulls her earbuds out. "I'm _so_ sorry! Um, you scared me." She has to look up at his face, and even that's a struggle because of the pliant mounds of muscled toned mocha that's just _right_ in front of her. His face is dark, but his smile is pearly and white, and after the initial shock, she smirks.

He looks around, "Yeah, I think you scared away the entire practice group," He says, gesturing the now very empty room.

The smirk falls, and embarrassment sets in. "Heh, little old me? I'm not scary." Her eyes rake his figure suggestively, "Although I'm sure people find you intimidating."

His warm chuckle greets her. "Do _you_ find me intimidating?"

Adrian shakes her head slowly, smirk in place, "Nope."

He holds out his hand, "Omar."

And as Adrian goes to grab it, she realizes she still has boxing gloves that are too large for her hands on, and laughs when he shakes her gloved hand anyways.

* * *

><p>Ben goes to Dr. Fields again, by himself this time around.<p>

And as the psychologist eyes him critically with a clinical perspective, he knows he sounds ridiculous. He wants to make this marriage work, and if Adrian gets pregnant again, maybe its not the worst thing. If that's what she wants, then why not give it to her?

"You're an idiot," Ricky says over his handset as he leaves the office. "You're just gonna sleep with her, even though you _know_ she wants another kid?"

"Maybe _I_ want another kid," Ben says defensively.

Ricky scoffs at that.

"Look, I _do_ want to have another baby, and I _want_ to be with Adrian, why does it matter if it's a little sooner than I expected?" Ben inquires.

"Because she's forcing your hand and _you're going for it_! You don't have to do this, Ben. You don't want to be a father -a couple of weeks back, you were even saying how you didn't want to be married! And you're too young to be married and having kids in the first place."

Ben sets his jaw, and switches gears. "Why are you so invested in this, Ricky? First, you tell my father, _not me_, but my father, that Adrian wants to get pregnant again, and that's _after_ telling me that you forced yourself to stay away from her because you thought that you could sleep with her, even though she's my wife, and even though you have Amy and John, you would still consider doing that. And now, instead of encouraging me to work things out with her because that's what a friend would do, you tell me that I should just let everything fall apart?"

"Don't twist everything around to make me look like the bad guy," Ricky growls over the phone.

"And don't twist everything around to make Adrian look like the bad one," Ben says just as fiercely. "If you wanted to be my friend, then you wouldn't even think about Adrian the way you do. But like I said last time, I guess we aren't friends because you couldn't even be man enough to talk to me."

The line goes silent, and then: "Then I guess we aren't friends."

"I guess not." Ben hangs up, and grips the steering wheel tightly all the way back home.

* * *

><p>She hates this: going to bed alone, fighting tooth and nail with Ben just for the excuse of being closer to him, passing by the second bedroom everyday and pretending that it wasn't supposed to be her daughter's.<p>

It's sickening. And she's tired of being depressed.

Ben steps in, and she claps her hands together, worrying her brow at Ben's strained expression. "Are you okay?"

Ben forces a smile easily, dismissing her worry with a wave of his hand. "Nothing, it's nothing. What did you want to talk about?"

Adrian smiles, leads him to the couch. And Ben's hope is somehow renewed more than ever. They're going work this out, and they will be happy again, and they will stay married. He clutches the ring that she gave back to him in his pocket, and he plans on seeing her wear it again.

She takes a deep breath, toffee eyes bright, and she says the last thing he ever expected her to say.

"I think you should move out."

* * *

><p>Okay, so, from this point, it's going to spin towards AU drastically -as well as away from Ben and Adrian as a couple. I would promise to stick to canon, but why would I do a silly thing like that?<p>

Sorry for the short update guys, getting my groove back for the new year~

DAC


	6. Chapter 6

_**Baby, when you were looking at them, I was looking at you...**_

* * *

><p>"You told him to move out? <em>Seriously<em>, Adrian?"

The Latina shrugs, sips some coffee. At this point, it wasn't a fact that fazed her- as far as she was concerned, the marriage was over. Ben couldn't be bothered to even touch her, much less sleep with her, and she wanted a baby, or maybe not, but the point was that Ben wasn't much of a husband and she wasn't much of a wife, so why carry on the charade any longer? She was young, and now she could be free to do what she wanted.

Or even, _who_ she wanted.

After Grace catches her breath, calms down, and reassesses the situation in her mind, she cocks her head, "So, what happened, after that?"

Adrian calmly sets her mug on the table adjacent to her, and fixes the blonde with an even calculating stare. "See, that's the reason I wanted to talk to you today. Did you happen to tell anyone what I was planning, Grace?"

Grace blanks. "_Err_...no?"

Adrian's nostrils flared and her eyes narrowed even more. "_Really_?"

Grace fidgets under the investigation, not quite making eye contact. "I was talking to Amy, and I didn't say anything, she just assumed..."

"So, you _did_ tell someone," Adrian crosses her arms. "And not just anyone, _Amy_, of all people."

"Adrian!" The blonde beseeches, "She _figured it out. _And I'm _sorry_-"

"It's fine," Adrian quips. Grace's blue eyes widen exponentially, and her mouth opens and closes in a confused manner. If Adrian was in a laughing mood, she would've told her best friend that she looked like a fish. Adrian leans forward, "I'm being serious."

"I don't think you are," Grace murmurs with a disbelieving shake of her head. "Please, _please_ Adrian; I'm sorry, I'm really, _really_ sorry."

Adrian sighs. "Well, since you're sorry for letting Amy and everyone else know my business-"

"But I didn't!"

"Then _I'm_ sorry for calling Jack and Grant. And Daniel."

"_What_?" Grace screeches at the last name.

Adrian shrugs, "So, now that we're _both_ sorry, let's move on."

Grace's fingers bite into her knees, which she supposed prevented them from biting into the flesh of her best friend's neck. "_Adrian_! How _could_ you?!"

The same way Grace could just let private business slip, Adrian supposed. "My bad," Adrian drones on with a straight expression. "Anyways…he doesn't want to leave."

Grace, with her mouth still open in disbelief as if she was just slapped twice, finally manages to close it. "You know, I don't understand you."

Adrian smirks, leans back on her couch, "Yes, you do, actually. In fact, you understand _me too well_, that's why you're not storming out of here right now, calling me a boyfriend stealer. You're not _really_ shocked that I called any one of those guys."

Grace crosses her arms, not willing to contest a point that's actually true. "How do you manage to keep any friends?"

Adrian, for the first time since she's come to see her that day, smiles. "You're still here."

And just like that, Grace just…_can't_ stay terribly angry at her. Annoyed, yes. And in need of a serious conversation with Daniel, definitely. But nonetheless, she somewhat got over the situation with Jack, and she's sure she could get over this. "You can't keep doing that. One day, I just _won't_ be here." The blonde threatens.

"Quit with the drama," Adrian scoffs dryly. "Daniel ignored all of my calls anyways."

Grace smiles at that.

"Now, help me with _my_ drama!"

Grace raises her arms, "What would you have me do, Adrian? Did you just expect Ben to just…_roll over_?"

"Yeah!" Adrian exclaims. "But he knows about me wanting another baby and he won't leave!"

"It's his place, too!" Grace shakes her head. "You're serious about this?"

"Of course I am! I mean, what do you want me to do Grace? Keep pretending we're married?"

"You _are_ married," Grace explains. "And maybe you should try working it out."

"I _did_!" Adrian raises her arms.

Right then, the lock _clicks_ and the front door opens. Adrian sighs mournfully and Grace turns around to see Ben walk in with a few bags of groceries from the market in their neighborhood. "Hey Grace," He greets genially.

"Hi," Grace smiles back, and turns back to Adrian and her less than enthused expression.

Ben heads to the kitchen, "I picked up a box of those churros you like."

Adrian's nose wrinkles. "I'm on a diet," She states flatly.

Grace frowns in disapproval of her friend. She nudges Adrian in the side, and Adrian swats her arm away, and sighs.

Ben, unaware of the exchange, drops the bags on the counter and shrugs, starting the process of putting the items away, "Doesn't mean that you can't indulge yourself every once in a while."

"You know, I really would like to indulge myself, _alone_," Adrian says with an obvious drawl.

Ben, after a very stunned moment, chuckles. "Is that code for _Just Say Me_?"

Adrian glares, "No, it's code _for Just Leave Me Alone_." Grace looks between the two of them, and swallows past the nervous lump in her throat. "But while we're on the subject," Adrian continues with a tight smile. "I have been _Just Saying Me_ for a while now. A _long_ while."

Ben sighs, and Grace stands, "Uh, I just remembered that I have to be somewhere this afternoon."

"You don't have to leave, Grace," Ben says.

"And you told me you were free today," Adrian accuses.

"I am, but the thing is…I think that you should two should talk, and _keep talking_." She says, inching toward the door. "Because honestly, you two sound like an old married couple." Two pairs of eyes watch her intently after that. "And since you _are_ a married couple, I should go." She forces a smile for both of her friends, and then makes her swift exit, closing the door behind her softly.

Adrian huffs with a cross of her arms, incredibly annoyed. "Thanks a lot."

Ben inquires, "What'd I do?"

"Chase my friend away," She says as if it were the most obvious fact in the world.

"_You_ were the one talking about masturbating-"

"Shut up."

"-and how often you do it." Ben continued.

"And I _shouldn't_ have to do that when I have a perfectly good husband in the house!" Adrian exclaims beside herself. "_But_ what am I saying? We're not married, not _really_. We've already agreed to a divorce and I don't even have your ring."

Ben opens his mouth, and then closes it. Not the right time to bring that up. "So, basically, all you're really waiting for is for me to pack my bags, and go, is that it?" He asks wryly, putting away the last of the groceries in the fridge, and pulling out a soda for himself. He looks over at Adrian, and if it were a different time, at a different place, he would've told her how cute she looked, sitting there pouting, but obviously they were at a place in their relationship that made the sentiment wholly inappropriate. He leans with his back against the counter, opening his can with a loud _pop_.

Adrian surveys him with narrowed eyes, infuriated by his nonchalant attitude. "Why won't you leave, again?" She asks with a cock of her head, genuinely needing to be reminded.

Ben takes a long pull from his can of Coke. "Because I live here."

Adrian takes a small throw pillow from the couch, and buries her face in it.

* * *

><p>She goes after Ricky.<p>

"You're going after Ricky?" Grace gapes, and this time, Adrian assists her by lifting her jaw back in place. Grace, looking around anxiously, takes Adrian by the arm, leads her off to the side in the hallway while Adrian snickers manically at the thought. She's going after Ricky. _She's going after Ricky_. If she says this and believes this long enough, it'll make sense.

"I deserve Ricky," She shrugs, in way of explanation. It's simple. Original. Ricky and Adrian. Adrian and Ricky. They make sense; always have and always will.

"And what about his son? _And Amy_?" Grace almost screeches in a whisper.

Adrian stifles another laugh, "What about them? I mean, being with me doesn't mean that he can't be a father, and do you _really_ think _that's_ gonna work out?"

"They're trying to!" Grace defends, "They're _trying_ to have a relationship, and the best thing for their son is to have a relationship, and Amy is your _friend_," Adrian scoffs at that. "Why would you want to come in-between that?"

"There's _nothing_ to come in-between. Ricky and I were always meant to work out, I know it, you know it, and so does everyone else." Adrian looks at her nails, and wonders if maybe she should paint them a different color. Ricky always did like black.

Grace steps closer, whispers so that no one else will hear. "Is this because things didn't work out between you and Ben?"

Adrian lifts a predatory brow, a smirk on her face. "_Oh_, we worked things out all right. The only way we know how."

It takes her a minute, but Grace gasps, putting her hand over her exposed mouth. "You didn't."

The smirk only widens. "This morning."

And if Grace couldn't appear any more scandalized, she somehow found a way because her eyes become impossibly huge and she starts shaking her head. "But I thought…and Ben, he knows…"

Adrian scoffs again. "Whatever. He had an itch to scratch, and so did I, and anyways I'm _not_ trying to have his kid."

"Because you want Ricky?" Grace reasons.

"Exactly." Adrian nods.

Grace resists the urge to smash her palm onto her forehead. Instead, she knows better than to leave Adrian alone to her own traitorous thoughts at the moment. "So," She mumbles. "How are you planning to…get Ricky back?" Adrian, looking a bit too gleeful at the prospect for Grace's taste, grins toothily and takes out a brochure from her purse. Grace, without meaning to, smiles when she sees it's a UCLA pamphlet. "You're going to college?"

Adrian doesn't blink. "_Of course_ I'm going to college."

Grace conveniently doesn't point out that the last thing Adrian was a few months ago was college bound. She's proud at the turnaround she's making for herself, but…

"Especially since this is the college _Ricky_ is going to."

…but of course, it's too good to be true that Adrian would do this without having Ricky in mind.

"Adrian," Grace all but whines. "Please, _please_ don't tell me that you're going to stalk him or worse, go there just because he is. I mean, what happened to Columbia? _New York_?" And as Grace keeps speaking, she isn't aware of how Adrian's face falls with every word. "I mean, you're going to be valedictorian and I thought Columbia had a better law program than UCLA and-"

"You do know that the whole Cosmetology school thing was fake, right?" Adrian asks quietly.

"Well, yeah, but you're going into family law, and I thought that you said you wanted a fresh start." Grace furrows her brow. "I mean, you got in to Columbia, right? Wasn't that the school you were shooting for since sophomore year?"

Adrian shuffles her feet, looks down in thought and for a moment, Grace's heart breaks for her best friend all over again. "I was out of school all of that time, even after Mercy…anyways, I applied, and I got in second round."

"That's great," Grace breathes.

"But they reneged the acceptance after all of my absences and incompletes," Adrian looks back up, resists the notion of rubbing her eyes dry. "And then, while I was out of school, I was surpassed in terms of GPA and with all of my incompletes, there's no way I'm going to catch up before the year ends." She shakes her head clear, and tried not to dwell on that. She tries to forget how she asked Ben to open the letter and she tries to forget how she ended up crying on his shoulder after receiving the refusal into school after being negligent with her academics.

"So, I don't get it," Grace puts her hand on her hip. "If _you're_ not valedictorian, then who is?"

"Ricky," Adrian announces steadily. "Ms. O'Malley told me last week."

Grace is silent after that, and Adrian asks her pensively. "Ricky seems to get everything he wants, doesn't he?"

"Not always," Grace points out, but doesn't venture out anymore than that. "And this doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing- at least you don't have to give a speech," Grace trails off, but Adrian is despondent, looking at the opposite side of the hall as her current husband entered through the double doors.

* * *

><p>DAC<p> 


End file.
